Soooo, a little thing in the grand scheme of things caused me to write this. It should be self explanatory.
If you are going to give a PowerPoint presentation please have the decency to understand the technology you need to use to deliver it.
Please do not ask for help 10 minutes before your presentation.
Please do not ask a person, about to finish work for the day and who has to catch a bus home, about 5 minutes before their bus is due, to help.
Please don’t forget your login details.
Please don’t say things like ‘I need it on the full screen’ when it is already on the full screen. The screen does not physically increase in size.
Please don’t ask how to use the wireless signal to display when the instructions automatically appear on the screen WITH PICTURES.
Please don’t ask how to use right click to produce a sub menu, a long standing computer technique that has been around for decades.
Please don’t use PowerPoint if you need to ask ‘how do I access the previous slide’.
Please don’t design or introduce a presentation that requires you to do this a lot – that’s the sign of a shit presentation that is going to go on too long.
Please don’t hold a mouse in your hand and say ‘I don’t know how to use these’
Please don’t use a laptop to do a presentation if you don’t know how to use a laptop.
Please don’t give a training presentation to people if you don’t know what you are doing. That’s like giving advice on driving safety but not knowing how to drive.
Please try to understand that I am not trying to be mean, but if you are paid to do your job, even at a fraction I am paid to do mine, then you are being paid too much.
Please understand that you work for a professional organisation in the 21st century. Not knowing even the rudimentary workings of computers AND A FUCKING MOUSE is like saying you can’t read.
Please understand I work really hard, I have a difficult job, and if I ever appear curt at frivolous things it is because when you’re dealing with issues of child abuse it seems like fucking farce to spend energy on the simple mundane things in life like I should give a fucking shit.
Please understand that I don’t understand HOW YOU FUNCTION, OR MANAGE TO GET A JOB. Please understand that I also don’t understand WHO HIRED YOU.
Please understand that if I ever gave even a smidgen of a suggestion that this is how I felt beneath my calm and polite veneer then I will be severely disappointed. Please understand I am a professional, who has better things to do, who is tired, and who can only release his pent up angst with a mammoth fucking rant on social media, but that, despite your unbelievable levels of mind blowing incompetence, I will still be professional and competent even if you are not.
Please understand this. Please.